As a writer, the decision was made long ago to refrain from reading books because my secret fear was that I would subconsciously absorb others' writing style. It is vital that my style is my own. With that being said, a few years ago, I kept hearing this curious hubbub of chatter about Fifty Shades of Gray.
One day while sitting in my tiny town's corner store table using the WiFi, the Store Lady, saw that all three volumes of these books had been purchased on my Kindle. It is my Kindle, however, when I won it, I didn't know what to do with it so my daughter set it up and began downloading and reading books. (The Store Lady is probably thinking, likely story...) Anyway, one by one, the Store Lady had all three volumes ready to read. She paused, leaned over the table, looked me square in the eye and said, "Take my advice. DO NOT read these unless your husband is home". I giggled and told her I planned to read them, regardless.
When I begin a book it quickly becomes my main focus and I get so engrossed that every possible moment is spent reading. It took me three days to make it through all three books. The story is a great one. The sex is surprising, refreshing and bold. The characters in the book were my favorite though. The Cinderella-type....... rags to riches, falling in love with Prince Charming.........ah......I found the story better than the sex, frankly. Halfway through the second book I began thumbing past the sex scenes and catching up with the fantastical story. It really is a great story. Hats off to the writer. During the third and final book, I can honestly say the unconventional sex was predictable and boring. On the flip side, the story was captivating, thrilling, suspenseful and I had somehow absorbed these characters into my life as if they were distant relatives.
Now, I know the book is fictional and that it is irrational to accept into one's life characters from a book that do not exist in real life. But they are here. *points to heart* Inside me. In fact, all the characters from books I've read during my life, live inside me, to some degree. They are not me, just a part of what makes me.....me.
Last night I finished a book called MAUDE. Today, it is like I am a medium and I can feel Maude with me. I know that sounds nuts, but, I have had "medium" moments and this could be one. The story is told by a granddaughter about her beloved Grandma. Maude's life begins in the early 1900's and the reader is taken all the way to the 1960's. If Maude is here, she is feeling my hug and hearing my thoughts of endearing respect and admiration.
Some people say suffering builds character. There has been plenty of suffering in my life. Some brought on by myself, while a different type of suffering,,,,,changed me...the type brought on by others. The cruel bullies, young and old, the abusive ex-husbands, nonchalant family members by their choice....yes, I have suffered. However, these experiences have been more about teaching me new ways of thinking, feeling and behaving. After the pain, of course. Sometimes, pain takes a long time to get through.
The character I have built has been by taking on traits of all the unsung hero's, the valiant heroines, the respected survivors of real tragedies. This is my character. All these people, fiction, real, it doesn't matter, they LIVED! They live because writers gave birth to them on pages. They continue to be immortal because they thrive inside my heart and soul.
This is me. Once an empty vessel, meandering through life looking for a place to belong. The outside world disappointed me over and over. One day the light turned on and underneath it was a book in my hand. In opening up the pages I accepted character, after character, into my soul and we, all of us, continue to be complete today. One day someone will open a book and it will be mine, about my life, and it is my sincere hope that the reader laughs and cries with me and instills a little of my character into their hearts.
I can't wait!
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