A long time ago, me and my sisters (three of us) were all pregnant at the same time. My older sister. who we will call Sister 1, was married and having her second baby due in March, 1980. I was married and having my first baby due in January, also, 1980. We were too young and we all got pregnant before being married, another childhood story for another time.
During this time, with Sister 1 and myself also married and out of the house, we began to notice some changes in our little sister, who we will call Sister 3. Obviously, I am Sister 2. Sister 3's demeanor became quiet, secretive, aloof. The Parents, functioning alcoholics according to my opinion, and elite members of the most prestigious club in town, which we will call the Moose Lodge for this forum, were oblivious to Sister 3 altogether.
There were also changes in her body. Sister 3 wore regular clothes, however, was buying them in larger sizes. This did not fool us Sisters. One day, while driving Sister 3 to high school, I just frankly asked her if she was pregnant. It took her a little bit by surprise, she paused, waited, and gave me a pointed "yes". "Does Mom and Dad know?", I asked. She shook her head and stated she didn't know how to tell them.
Sister 3 was the tomboy of the family. The closest thing to a "boy" my parents ever got. Our family was proud when as a grade-schooler she insisted she join the boys baseball team. Now this was the 60's and unheard of. However, it happened and in the team picture it was impossible to tell she was a girl anyway. Sister 3 did not, never did, ever mince words. She said what she meant and she meant what she said. I think this equally irritated and pleased Dad. Dad used to call her "Little Miles" after his dad, while beaming with pride, because she was so much like Grandpa and Dad, who had the same temperament.
Highly emotional moments make my brain freeze to some degree. This is why my memory is a bit sketchy at this point. There were so many mixed emotions inside me and I could not process them quickly. My memory tells me that I found out she was about 5 months along. This meant she was as pregnant as Sister 1 and two months behind me.
It took many conversations, Sister 1 and myself, refusing to inform The Parents, forcing Sister 3 to tell them. We felt she needed to take the responsibility to tell them since she created this situation. It took two more months, 7 months along, to tell The Parents.
Since I was not present when this happened, or don't remember being present, how this revelation was taken by The Parents is not known. I do know, they "coped" by spending a lot of their time at the Moose Lodge, leaving a 15 year old, pregnant, afraid, lonely, emotional.....alone.
It was decided immediately between them all, a mutual agreement between The Parents and Sister 3, The Baby would be given up for adoption because that is what would be best for The Baby. That decision....so bittersweet. The joy for my first baby would forever be linked to the sorrow of Sister 3 giving up The Baby. Same thing with Sister 1 and her second baby.
January blessed me with a beautiful baby girl we will call Snow White because she literally looked like her. Lots of dark hair, fair skin, full red lips and very long eyelashes. Even the other grandparents at the hospital commented on my Snow White's beauty.
The beginning of March blessed Sister 1 with a second son. We carried on as if Sister 3 had not been pregnant. This had to be so hard for Sister 3. She said nothing. She asked nothing. She went on as if this were not happening to her, in my opinion - the coping mechanism taught by The Parents, no doubt.
Six days after the birth of Sister 1's son, Sister 3 had The Baby. This was a very weird situation with The Parents. At the hospital, The Parents refused to let ANYONE see Sister 3, not even her own family and especially not friends. We found this very strange, however, the family always did what Dad said.
The Parents have two ways of coping. One, the Moose Lodge. Two, refusing to talk about a situation making it non-existent to them. We worried about Sister 3's emotional state, among other things. We wanted to be a support system and it was frustrating to be forbidden to see her. In our childhood home, feelings are not to be expressed out loud.
Later, Sister 3 told me she got the chance to see The Baby, a handsome, healthy Son, with lots of dark hair. I think this made it easier on her. The Baby was adopted through an agency, and soon, was gone. The Parents never talked about it. Since all three of us have babies born close together the same year, there were some years I sent flowers to Sister 3 on that special, however, heartbreaking day. In watching our children grow, the absence of The Baby was in the forefront of my mind, especially on their birthdays. Sister 3, in my opinion never, ever got over giving The Baby up. She knows rationally it was the right thing to do, emotionally and mentally it is a loss, just the same. A family member missing, never forgotten.
For years, Sister 3 and The Baby's parents exchanged non-identifying letters with updates. It is me that named him The Baby. All these years I have wondered about him, envisioned him, yearned for him, as well. For some reason The Baby has always been close to my heart.
Recently, Sister 3 has decided it is time to try to find The Baby. The adoption agency has since dis-banned. She does not want to use Facebook to make a public search plea. She says that is too public for such a private manner. In fact, Sister 3 has only told her two children and me that she wants to look for him. I think she is afraid The Baby will reject her if found. Sister 3 believes her children and The Baby have a right to know each other. So even if he did reject her, maybe he would not reject his half siblings.........or me.
On August 8th, my Ancestry DNA kit was sent off so I can learn more about my heritage. Secretly, it is my hope The Baby also has done an Ancestry kit and is allowing DNA matches to contact him. This would be a dream come true for our family. Blood is blood.
Searching for a man, born March 10th, 1980 in the western United States. If you are reading this and think this could be you, contact me privately.
9-9-16 UPDATE: Ancestry DNA test came back. The Baby did not show up as a match. Very disappointed.
